I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
