At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
