Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
