do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
