Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
