I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
