Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
