The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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