Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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