i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
