She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
