If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
