dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
