I want to make a zoo with you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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