um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What drink are we having for lunch?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
