Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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