That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
