I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
