i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
