Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
