I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
