My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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