Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
