Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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