Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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