Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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