We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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