Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
