I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
