this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
