It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could fuck to npr.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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