He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
