Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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