I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
