her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
birth control should be required to get into college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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