I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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