what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
