whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
