so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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