Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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