I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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