you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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