i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
