dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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