I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
