I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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