uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
