the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
