I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
