this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
