So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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