She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
