i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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